3.31.2013
3.25.2013
Ya know what... Lenny Bruce you're not. ( on the people who whine about everything can be made into a joke)
Ya know what... Lenny Bruce you're not.
Every thing is comic fodder, but simply saying something to be "controversial" or outrageous, is a bullshit excuse for saying something stupid, thoughtless, or bigoted.( a bit like saying "I dont mean to be rude/bigoted/racists/misogynist/mysandrist/homophobic etc etc etc alerts the reader/listener to the fact you are going to say something INCREDIBLY rude/bigoted/racists/misogynist/mysandrist/homophobic etc etc etc )
If your going to make 'jokes" about something as controversial as rape you'd better be damn sure at the very least they are funny and is at the very best make an actual political social statement, otherwise whining that "Awe anything can be used for comedy" is simply that whining
1.27.2013
1.25.2013
finding a group of cancer survivors when you are a skeptic
This is my story.
8 months ago my Brother in law, who is for all intents & purposes my brother , was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer. His wife was pregnant with their first child, although he has a 17 year old son by another relationship.
We knew exactly how bad this situation is. This also pushed me to get my mammogram done, because there is long history of breast cancer in my family. I refer to this as him saving my life. I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. My prognosis is good.
I am an atheist, and a skeptic, I need more than anecdotal evidence to accept a "cure" or treatment. I am not open to "sending of good energy" or any of the other esoteric un-provable things people want to inundate you with the moment they hear you are sick. In general I have found it is far more about those people getting "warm fuzzies" about how much they are doing than it is about making you better/feel better, this is not ALWAYS true but often enough to get my dander up when approached by it.
My brother was not the same. Granted he was facing a life ending cancer, there was no one in the medical community who would tell him the had an answer that could cure him. That is simply because at this time, it just doesn't exist. Instead he was taken advantage of (in my opinion) by sometimes well meaning but often charlatans who promoted everything from mistletoe injections, which have no proof of having any more benefit than a placebo, to apricot seed which has been proven to have been a scam of the highest order.
He even traveled to Switzerland... where you can go to clinics who will lie to you about virtually everything, and who will give you "treatments" that are illegal almost everywhere else in the world.
It took me a long time to accept that he had the right to make the decisions he wanted with his body, and I do honestly believe he, and everyone does have that right. But I will also fight tooth and nail to try and stop this kind of parasitic snake oil sales to go un-challenged. If it stops one person from giving up the incredible precious time they might have left with their family, because that is the incredible loss, that and people being left behind who have to still pay the bills for these pseudo scientific frauds who are praying on the desperate and the scared.
My brother died in January.
In trying to find any support group for my own grief, and dealing with my own illness, ( partial mastectomy, 6 rounds of chemo therapy, and upcoming 6 weeks of radiation) I have found that there appears to be no where to go for group counseling that is not hip deep in woo. All of them offer courses in all kinds of "Alternative heath options" and when I suggested that I would not sit silently while someone forced their woo upon me I was informed IF I did that i would be asked to leave. I was informed that "everyone has the right to their own journey" and while I agree with that sentiment I in theory, it seems to negate MY ability to have my own journey. Apparently no one can see that having this forced on me without being able to say "You know that was debunked more than a decade ago" does interfere with MY journey. I am expected to remain in the closet, so to speak, because the possible pain I might cause them is obviously worse than the pain they are causing me.
This has left me quite alone. I was told to seek individual counseling where I could control the person I was interacting with. This defeats the whole purpose of "Group" counseling. It also reminds me that apparently this is the last minority where it is OK to discriminate and suggest you would not be welcome.
I am sorry to be so long, and I hope I have made some sense to someone
12.09.2012
12.06.2012
A Very Special Walking Dead Xmas starring Tiny Daryl Dixon
Just me playing around while trying to stave off the pre-Chemo anxiety. Hope its fun for ya'll
11.26.2012
have your self a tiny daryl dixon
have your self a tiny daryl dixon
just messing around with props for a possible stop-mo thing
11.21.2012
THETHE MIXED TAPE CHALLENGE:
THE MIXED TAPE CHALLENGE:
Remember in high school when people would just hand you a mixed tape? Half the music was recorded off the radio with a snippet of commercial still there LOL!I found some of my fave bands that way and shared some things other people would never have listen with out me. I bought more albums from hearing one or two songs off a mixed tape than any advertisements ever made me buy.
wanna save the music industry share good music! ( support living artists, because the dead ones...and the record companies don't need the cash)
I loved making , and still do love making "tapes" for people mood music or just car tunes to play loud.
(usually I sling em on a usb key now, but I love it when I can find an old cassette case and make cover art for it pop the key in there)
I need suggestions for new music to listen to. :) come on people you know you wanna share all your favourite musics. I am a bass head, I like almost everything ( no RUSH please :P Poor hubby) from Abba to Skrillex gimme your best shot!
If you make me a play list I'll make one for you!
.jpg)
( we can just exchange the lists or I can post them here for people no need to mail stuff around the planet)
11.15.2012
SO yeah haven't updated in a while...
so yeah..
1st off this happened ...which sucked
Douchebaggery with auctions & stuff
I will probably re-list the auction this week , if I get the chance.
2nd I hit my mid way point on Chemo Treatments ...so YAY! only 3 more to go!
3rd got hit with the information that my Radiation treatment will be 6 weeks long, EVERYDAY (except weekends) which kinda hit me like a ton of bricks... its about an hour for me to drive there and and hour back. So now I need to look into rides to and from. oh and theres a cornucopia of side effects for that too... but hey... I'm getting good at negotiating them.
AND I get at least two tiny tattoos out of it... which may or may not convince me to get my tattoo at the end of all of this.
4th they had another summit on my situation with the lymph nodes. Neither of my Oncologists were involved in the original hospital wide summit so they wanted to know why the decision had been made and to voice their opinion. So the new decision is that the Cost is more than the Benefit of removing all the lymph nodes... I fall in this really weird voer 40 but not menopausal group there have been numerous new studies on...so the standard of care has changed. So yay no more surgery, no drain in my arm for 33-6 weeks, lower chance of lymphodemia ... but
you knew there'd be one didn't you?
There are no blood tests that can be done for breast cancer, yearly mammograms are standard of treatment, they don't do yearly CT Scans or anything like that because they don't show up anything significant, and probably aren't good for you that often. So basically one now lives with the sword of Damocles over ones head for the next 5-10 years.... because
and you knew this was coming didn't you
IF breast cancer comes back somewhere else (metastasized) you are pretty much fucked.
They can control it , and manage it... but yeah your cure rate drops. sooo..fun times
SO I don't want to end on a down note!! No surgery seems the best option, and as a painter it was
worrying to up the risk of not having use of that hand! My other meds seem to be helping with side effects
although depression has been an issues.
People love me and are sending me things that make me happy
.jpg)
Tiny Daryl Dixon still comes to Chemo with me... the nurses look a little funny at me but the hubby actually said "Wheres TDD, you did bring him right?" and pulled him out of my bag for me. The Hubby loves me He also shows me pictures of my tiny new nephew he knows to distract me
things are getting better
now if Norman would just follow me back it's
@wickeddollz I'm like the easiest person to stalk on the web :P
1st off this happened ...which sucked
Douchebaggery with auctions & stuff
I will probably re-list the auction this week , if I get the chance.
2nd I hit my mid way point on Chemo Treatments ...so YAY! only 3 more to go!
3rd got hit with the information that my Radiation treatment will be 6 weeks long, EVERYDAY (except weekends) which kinda hit me like a ton of bricks... its about an hour for me to drive there and and hour back. So now I need to look into rides to and from. oh and theres a cornucopia of side effects for that too... but hey... I'm getting good at negotiating them.
AND I get at least two tiny tattoos out of it... which may or may not convince me to get my tattoo at the end of all of this.
4th they had another summit on my situation with the lymph nodes. Neither of my Oncologists were involved in the original hospital wide summit so they wanted to know why the decision had been made and to voice their opinion. So the new decision is that the Cost is more than the Benefit of removing all the lymph nodes... I fall in this really weird voer 40 but not menopausal group there have been numerous new studies on...so the standard of care has changed. So yay no more surgery, no drain in my arm for 33-6 weeks, lower chance of lymphodemia ... but
you knew there'd be one didn't you?
There are no blood tests that can be done for breast cancer, yearly mammograms are standard of treatment, they don't do yearly CT Scans or anything like that because they don't show up anything significant, and probably aren't good for you that often. So basically one now lives with the sword of Damocles over ones head for the next 5-10 years.... because
and you knew this was coming didn't you
IF breast cancer comes back somewhere else (metastasized) you are pretty much fucked.
They can control it , and manage it... but yeah your cure rate drops. sooo..fun times
SO I don't want to end on a down note!! No surgery seems the best option, and as a painter it was
worrying to up the risk of not having use of that hand! My other meds seem to be helping with side effects
although depression has been an issues.
People love me and are sending me things that make me happy
.jpg)
Tiny Daryl Dixon still comes to Chemo with me... the nurses look a little funny at me but the hubby actually said "Wheres TDD, you did bring him right?" and pulled him out of my bag for me. The Hubby loves me He also shows me pictures of my tiny new nephew he knows to distract methings are getting better
now if Norman would just follow me back it's
@wickeddollz I'm like the easiest person to stalk on the web :P
10.18.2012
Wholly Chit Norman Reedus tweeted one of my caner videos... and thanks.
well that was interesting....
Norman Reedus tweeted my video about Chemo out to the net
Thanks Norman it was appreciated! ( even if you still don't follow me... snerk)
to show my appreciation to all the lovelies who then took the time to say "(((HUGS))" or "FUCKCANCER" or nice hair ( It's almost gone btw) I have decided to participate in Nibblefest this month.
Nibblefest is a monthly themed art contest. Contests run from the 20th to the 27th of every month. All artwork is listed on eBay.com at 99¢ no reserve!
( my ebay is wicked_dollz )
the "theme" this month was FANTASY...and well between the zombies, and the fact I know ya'll are a little perverted ( in a good way) I figured Daryl Dixon was as good a fantasy as any ;).
I wanted to do this as a little "Thank You" for all the luvs. I really cant see me making many more Tiny Daryl Dixons atm, he kinda work intensive. So I'm going to do a quick mixed media
(here's the preliminary)
I will add images as it progresses.
I'll post here and on twitter when the auction begins. I'm not keeping any of the proceeds, the money raised by this auction will go to the Canadian Cancer Society.
SUPPORT LIVING ARTISTS ... BECUASE THE DEAD ONES DON'T NEED THE CASH So again thank you and stay posted for more information.
you can follow me on twitter if you are so inclined @wickeddollz
Norman Reedus tweeted my video about Chemo out to the net
Thanks Norman it was appreciated! ( even if you still don't follow me... snerk)
to show my appreciation to all the lovelies who then took the time to say "(((HUGS))" or "FUCKCANCER" or nice hair ( It's almost gone btw) I have decided to participate in Nibblefest this month.
Nibblefest is a monthly themed art contest. Contests run from the 20th to the 27th of every month. All artwork is listed on eBay.com at 99¢ no reserve!
( my ebay is wicked_dollz )
the "theme" this month was FANTASY...and well between the zombies, and the fact I know ya'll are a little perverted ( in a good way) I figured Daryl Dixon was as good a fantasy as any ;).
I wanted to do this as a little "Thank You" for all the luvs. I really cant see me making many more Tiny Daryl Dixons atm, he kinda work intensive. So I'm going to do a quick mixed media
(here's the preliminary)
I'll post here and on twitter when the auction begins. I'm not keeping any of the proceeds, the money raised by this auction will go to the Canadian Cancer Society.
SUPPORT LIVING ARTISTS ... BECUASE THE DEAD ONES DON'T NEED THE CASH So again thank you and stay posted for more information.
you can follow me on twitter if you are so inclined @wickeddollz
10.17.2012
BrundleFly
Some days are shittier than others.
Some days I can bad ass my way through
...and some days you go to take a bath to wash the itch out of your scalp and end up feeling like BrundleFly.
I knew it was coming, thought I had more time, but been preparing myself for losing my hair.
But now that its here... there is no preparing I suppose.
Just feels like every time I get through something, and think OK good I'm stronger than this shit, I get smacked down again.
I just want my hair clippers , I just want to shave it off.
Some days I can bad ass my way through
...and some days you go to take a bath to wash the itch out of your scalp and end up feeling like BrundleFly.
I knew it was coming, thought I had more time, but been preparing myself for losing my hair.
But now that its here... there is no preparing I suppose.
Just feels like every time I get through something, and think OK good I'm stronger than this shit, I get smacked down again.
I just want my hair clippers , I just want to shave it off.
10.15.2012
I guess I'm just not a fuck cancer kinda gal
*WARNING this is MY experience you should not feel this way nor am I suggesting it is the correct way only that this is my journey through the disease and the things I need to do to get there
I'm not a FUCK CANCER kinda gal...sorry.. I'm just not.
I'm not that scared or that self absorbed. Don't get me wrong I'm PLENTY self absorbed. But I can't make this about the CANCER...maybe I am more self absorbed.
Cancer is not my enemy its just a disease, it's not a monster its just a disease it only has the power over me that any disease or illness has.... at least my cancer is.
My cancer is beatable. Since day one we've talked about cure. I know what I have to do to beat it and that's what were doing. It sucks... I mean it really sucks. Last week was side effects-palooza and I'm only just feeling better...but that's one month down.
I don't want to do it, but I have to. I sit and think sometimes... and cry...and then I put on the big girl panties and get it done... because that's what you do.
I tend to like Hitchen's quote ( and I'm badly paraphrasing here)
"People talk about fighting cancer, but its the most passive fight I've ever been in."
That's how I feel.
I am doing what I need to do. I don't need to tell everyone everyday how fucking mad I am ( mainly because mostly I'm not) I don't need to incessantly remind everyone that I have cancer ( maybe because I have specific good friends I can vent to, and I blog...I don't know.) I don't need to be told by people everywhere all the time they are thinking.about me, not that I don't like it on occasion, but ya know.
Maybe its because I'm over 40? Maybe its because I grew up being a sick kid? (hospitals are relatively normal for me.) Maybe it's just me, I only want to be the centre of attention with my own strict limitations. I have always said I'm better with insults than praise.
Maybe its because I have no fear. I am not "Fighting for my fucking life"...that's something else . I am working to be well again. But I have a good prognosis, so maybe that's easier for me. I don't know.
Its exhausting to watch people who are flying madly off in all directions.( not specific people just people I see in general) I don't have the energy to do that. I am putting one foot in front of the other plodding along getting through one thing at a time. Eye on the prize. I am a work horse not a race horse I suppose. I don't have the energy to watch it, or support it. Maybe I really am far more self absorbed than I thought. except no...
I am not the only person with cancer, with breast cancer... with any kind of cancer. But breast cancer especially there are so many others other sisters who have it , some better off than me some worse off than me. My grand mother, my mother friends... thousands of us all doing what we need to do.
I am not special. I am uniquely aware of how lucky I am to live where I am, when I am. I'm also living with someone I love having a stage 4 cancer that is... well harder to treat would be the best way to put it. So it's hard for me to feel too sorry for myself. ( not that I don't indulge occasionally)
Anyway I have to walk away from the flailing people occasionally, I don't know how deep the water is they are swimming in but I know if I swim out to try & help them they are going to pull me under. Let stronger swimmers than I help them :) For now I just wanna dog paddle to the shallow end and float m on my back staring at the stars.
Madonna Breast Cancer scars painting WIP
I fecking hate painting hands... this looks better in person than on film, the breast seems to be more affected by gravity in a real world viewing... heh in both real worlds actually ... da boom tish!
why did I put a hand in this?
10.04.2012
Yesterday was Chemo Day #1
One down five to go!
So the process it pretty much what's expected I suppose
Arrive, get checked in talk to various people like intake nurse, social worker, dietician.
Then I get taken to a private place to get the vapor-lock catheter what-cha-ma-dooy thing inserted into my arm. They put the tourniquet on & wrap your arm in heating pads, find a good vein and then stab you...
The nurse was trying to calm me down by talking about "going to your happy place"..like a beach with warm water...my barin was saying FUCK JUST GET IT DONE WITH... I hate the happy place thing... it doesnt distract me, but is probably good for most people.
Next time I'm bringin headphones Rob Zombie, Skrillex, AWOL really lound and "Tiny Daryl Dixion" who will shoot bolts at anyone who is pissing me off
see more Tiny Daryl Dixion on my flickr account if you are interested
Then it's off to the group room to get hooked up to The Machine that goes Bing... I mean the infusion pump. It's not terribly painful, ut I did say OUCH every time it got turned on. First they start you on some saline, then your pre chemo meds ( they didn't tell me whats in that but I think they got I wanted the FLIGHT super power not one of the stupid ones like controlling the animals of the sea) I'm doing FEC which is a combination of 3 different drugs. Two of which are "pushed" by a nurse becuase it has to be done very slowly, I think it total it took maybe 1/2 he to 45 mins of her having to sit with me pushing the giant syringe of BRIGHT FUSHIA ( ok more red than fushia , but I like fushia better) liquid then another clear one. Then they put the bag of whatever the other chemo drug in that doesn't need as close monitoring.... finally they flush you out with more Saline ( I gain 4 lbs without eating anthing all day that day...I think it was all the fluids)
The the over worked pharmacist showed up, I assume he's over worked because he look fed up and was pretty much all about speaking as quickly as possible about what to take when and get out of there, told me the basics and sent me home. We ended up back at the pharmacy where I had originally gotten my prescriptions to straighten out all the details.
Most of my meds are for nausea, and seem to be working. It comes & goes but so far the meds have staved off any actual vomiting.
Other interesting side effects noticed so far are:
*Tingling arms..like you slept with them under you & cut off the circulation
*Extreme fatigue
* some weird pains
*Metalic taste
* BRIGHT RED PEE ( well this is dissipating quickly & expected. I'm suppose to drink 8-12 glasses of liquid a day..and it cant all be coffee)
All in all I was in the chemo center from 11:30 am till 4:00 ( ish) pm
My second day has been relatively good so far.
OH AND MY BRAND SPANKIN NEW BABY NEPHEW WAS BORN @4:30AM MY FIRST DAY OF CHEMO... I am never gonna forget this kids birthday
Maclomb Jeffery Gary Hunt 7lbs 6 oz
So the process it pretty much what's expected I suppose
Arrive, get checked in talk to various people like intake nurse, social worker, dietician.
Then I get taken to a private place to get the vapor-lock catheter what-cha-ma-dooy thing inserted into my arm. They put the tourniquet on & wrap your arm in heating pads, find a good vein and then stab you...
The nurse was trying to calm me down by talking about "going to your happy place"..like a beach with warm water...my barin was saying FUCK JUST GET IT DONE WITH... I hate the happy place thing... it doesnt distract me, but is probably good for most people.
Next time I'm bringin headphones Rob Zombie, Skrillex, AWOL really lound and "Tiny Daryl Dixion" who will shoot bolts at anyone who is pissing me off
Then it's off to the group room to get hooked up to The Machine that goes Bing... I mean the infusion pump. It's not terribly painful, ut I did say OUCH every time it got turned on. First they start you on some saline, then your pre chemo meds ( they didn't tell me whats in that but I think they got I wanted the FLIGHT super power not one of the stupid ones like controlling the animals of the sea) I'm doing FEC which is a combination of 3 different drugs. Two of which are "pushed" by a nurse becuase it has to be done very slowly, I think it total it took maybe 1/2 he to 45 mins of her having to sit with me pushing the giant syringe of BRIGHT FUSHIA ( ok more red than fushia , but I like fushia better) liquid then another clear one. Then they put the bag of whatever the other chemo drug in that doesn't need as close monitoring.... finally they flush you out with more Saline ( I gain 4 lbs without eating anthing all day that day...I think it was all the fluids)
The the over worked pharmacist showed up, I assume he's over worked because he look fed up and was pretty much all about speaking as quickly as possible about what to take when and get out of there, told me the basics and sent me home. We ended up back at the pharmacy where I had originally gotten my prescriptions to straighten out all the details.
Most of my meds are for nausea, and seem to be working. It comes & goes but so far the meds have staved off any actual vomiting.
Other interesting side effects noticed so far are:
*Tingling arms..like you slept with them under you & cut off the circulation
*Extreme fatigue
* some weird pains
*Metalic taste
* BRIGHT RED PEE ( well this is dissipating quickly & expected. I'm suppose to drink 8-12 glasses of liquid a day..and it cant all be coffee)
All in all I was in the chemo center from 11:30 am till 4:00 ( ish) pm
My second day has been relatively good so far.
OH AND MY BRAND SPANKIN NEW BABY NEPHEW WAS BORN @4:30AM MY FIRST DAY OF CHEMO... I am never gonna forget this kids birthday
Tiny Daryl Dixon
Tiny Darryl Dixon harassing me to make a Tiny Murphy MacManus who will only harras me to make a Tiny Connor MacManus...then they'll all start buggin me to make all the Walking dead & Boondock Saints characters... I mean really where DOEs one draw the line??? Il Duce? Rocco? T-Dog? Rick?
(is anyone else worried I look like my grandmother?)
(is anyone else worried I look like my grandmother?)
9.18.2012
Time for CANCER UPDATE with yours truly
Get ready fo some 'INFOMATION!'
First off Whats up with this tumor eh?
Well it was : average sized 2.1cm invasive ductal cancer
95% estrogen Receptor
95% Progesterone Receptor
but NO HER-2 Receptor. (Thats a good thing)
Grade: 1 slow growing (good thing)
NO Lymphovascular invasion(tumor cells seen in the vessels of the tumour) (thats also a good thing)
Margins (was all the caner removed) : Clear ( again good thing)
DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma in Situ)- "pre-invasive cancer" - yes , sample had lobular carcinoma in situ
( not great but thats one of the reasons we're doing chemo so that the little fuckers wont turn into cancer!)
Secondly what are we now going to do? also known as BRING ON THE NEEDLES
yeah so they are starting me on my chemo regime either next week (Sept 24th-29th) or the following week (Oct 1st-6th) depending on when I get over this damned cold and all the other usual administrative stuff.
I have a Chemo Teaching class first ...which I assume means they are going to teach me not me teaching someone else ;)
My chemo will be in 6 doeses given once every 3 weeks, so aprox 18 weeks of Chemo
The first 3 are FEC (See more about FEC here) this Chemo is given over 90 mins
this is where the vast majority of the side effect will be seen
The Last 3 Cycles of Chemo are given with one chemotherapy called Taxotere (see more on Taxotere here)
There is also an injection given (Neulasta/Neupogen) after these treatments to boost white blood cells
SO MUCH FUN, you can read through the links for the side effects , but I am suppose to be picking out my wig. I have stopped working at this point because HEY it's cold and flu season and working in retail is only slightly less infectious that working in education or health! Even though I am a BAD ASS I cant really risk being defeated by the freakin germs.
After I finish with the chemo I am assuming I will get a small rest before they do the 2nd surgery to remove the rest of my Lymph nodes from my right arm. This is the best treatment but I am far from thrilled with having to do this. It can cause Lymphedema ... only 10% chance.... but anyway a fear is a fear is a fear, and for a right handed artist... yeah it's a fear.
After some time to recover from the surgery they will start Radiation treatments which is usually 4-5 weeks.
They also want me to go for genetic testing.
yeah so really.... 6 months to a year of treatment all in all
Start knitting me cool hats People ...how can I be a bald bass ass without a cool hat! well that... and it gets fucking cold here in winter.
Well it was : average sized 2.1cm invasive ductal cancer
95% estrogen Receptor
95% Progesterone Receptor
but NO HER-2 Receptor. (Thats a good thing)
Grade: 1 slow growing (good thing)
NO Lymphovascular invasion(tumor cells seen in the vessels of the tumour) (thats also a good thing)
Margins (was all the caner removed) : Clear ( again good thing)
DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma in Situ)- "pre-invasive cancer" - yes , sample had lobular carcinoma in situ
( not great but thats one of the reasons we're doing chemo so that the little fuckers wont turn into cancer!)
yeah so they are starting me on my chemo regime either next week (Sept 24th-29th) or the following week (Oct 1st-6th) depending on when I get over this damned cold and all the other usual administrative stuff.
I have a Chemo Teaching class first ...which I assume means they are going to teach me not me teaching someone else ;)
My chemo will be in 6 doeses given once every 3 weeks, so aprox 18 weeks of Chemo
The first 3 are FEC (See more about FEC here) this Chemo is given over 90 mins
this is where the vast majority of the side effect will be seen
The Last 3 Cycles of Chemo are given with one chemotherapy called Taxotere (see more on Taxotere here)
There is also an injection given (Neulasta/Neupogen) after these treatments to boost white blood cells
SO MUCH FUN, you can read through the links for the side effects , but I am suppose to be picking out my wig. I have stopped working at this point because HEY it's cold and flu season and working in retail is only slightly less infectious that working in education or health! Even though I am a BAD ASS I cant really risk being defeated by the freakin germs.
 |
| Yeah I hang with Daryl Dixon... I mean Norman Reedus Hey I've even held a cross bow! |
After I finish with the chemo I am assuming I will get a small rest before they do the 2nd surgery to remove the rest of my Lymph nodes from my right arm. This is the best treatment but I am far from thrilled with having to do this. It can cause Lymphedema ... only 10% chance.... but anyway a fear is a fear is a fear, and for a right handed artist... yeah it's a fear.
After some time to recover from the surgery they will start Radiation treatments which is usually 4-5 weeks.
They also want me to go for genetic testing.
yeah so really.... 6 months to a year of treatment all in all
Start knitting me cool hats People ...how can I be a bald bass ass without a cool hat! well that... and it gets fucking cold here in winter.
9.05.2012
Today
Today I am walking around my house picking things up and putting them down.
Today I am crying
Today I have not slept, I cannot eat
Today is not about my cancer
Today is about the cancer of someone I love
Today is about the fucking cancer that is killing someone I love
Today is making a folder of all the pictures I have of the person I love
so that their unborn child will somehow know a little of them
Today is what do I do with all this?
Today is how do I get to the next moment?
Today is I'll live and you'll die... and neither of us did anything to deserve this... and how do I keep moving forward
Today is breathing in and breathing out
Today I am crying
Today I have not slept, I cannot eat
Today is not about my cancer
Today is about the cancer of someone I love
Today is about the fucking cancer that is killing someone I love
Today is making a folder of all the pictures I have of the person I love
so that their unborn child will somehow know a little of them
Today is what do I do with all this?
Today is how do I get to the next moment?
Today is I'll live and you'll die... and neither of us did anything to deserve this... and how do I keep moving forward
Today is breathing in and breathing out
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)