You know what hit me today , or perhaps yesterday...yesterday was a bad day.
I have cancer
yeah I know... " isn't that what you've been on about for a while now???" but it hit me as reality. This is not simply something I'm having removed. The surgery? yeah that's just the beginning of this adventure. I've been working so hard on being positive, on being blase' about the whole thing.... I mean hell why SHOULDN'T I be? My mother had it & survived, my grandmother had it and survived, friends have had it and survived, the Medical community is talking cure my outlook is pretty damned bright.
Part of me has been in a kind of denial about what all this means. Part of me kinda thought about the surgery like having your tonsil removed, all done a bit of pain but in the end you can eat all the ice cream you want! We all know that old chestnut, and what it really meant.
Surgery itself is not the end, it's not the cure, it's only part of the cure. I will still need other treatment. They cant tell me what yet because nothing comes back from the pathologist for a while ( 4 more weeks of waiting for results) not that anything could begin right away, there is no delay in treatment my body has to recover from the surgery before I can being any of the other treatments.
SO... what treatments you may ask. Well it could be radiation, and tamoxifen , it could be chemo & radiation or any combination of the aforementioned. There is even a 10% chance of having to go back for more surgery IF the margins are not clear or they are worried about other lymph nodes ... but that's only 10% ....90% chance of that not happening. ANY of the treatments will have side effects, the least of which will be being tired, and if that tired is anything like it's been lately.... you are fucking tired.
I KNOW my prognosis is good, I know they know what to do with this disease and I know that my chances of being around to pester you all for along time yet is really really good.
BUT I also know I have cancer and that all the ice cream in the world doesn't change that.
I'll do a run down later of what the day of surgery entailed , and how recovering is going but for now this is most on my mind...so this is what you get.