Cancer Part 3: Realizations

You know what hit me today , or perhaps yesterday...yesterday was a bad day.
I have cancer
yeah I know... " isn't that what you've been on about for a while now???" but it hit me as reality. This is not simply something I'm having removed. The surgery?  yeah that's just the beginning of this adventure. I've been working so hard on being positive, on being blase' about the whole thing.... I mean hell why SHOULDN'T I be? My mother had it & survived, my grandmother had it and survived, friends have had it and survived, the Medical community is talking cure my outlook is pretty damned bright.

and yet

Part of me has been in a kind of denial about what all this means. Part of me kinda thought about the surgery like having your tonsil removed, all done a bit of pain but in the end you can eat all the ice cream you want! We all know that old chestnut, and what it really meant.

Surgery itself is not the end, it's not the cure, it's only part of the cure. I will still need other treatment. They cant tell me what yet because nothing comes back from the pathologist for a while ( 4 more weeks of waiting for results) not that anything could begin right away, there is no delay in treatment my body has to recover from the surgery before I can being any of the other treatments.

SO... what treatments you may ask. Well it could be radiation, and tamoxifen , it could be chemo & radiation or any combination of the aforementioned. There is even a 10% chance of having to go back for more surgery IF the margins are not clear or they are worried about other lymph nodes ... but that's only 10% ....90% chance of that not happening. ANY of the treatments will have side effects, the least of which will be being tired, and if that tired is anything like it's been lately.... you are fucking tired.

I KNOW my prognosis is good, I know they know what to do with this disease and I know that my chances of being around to pester you all for along time yet is really really good.
BUT I also know I have cancer and that all the ice cream in the world doesn't change that.

I'll do a run down later of what the day of surgery entailed , and how recovering is going but for now this is most on my mind...so this is what you get.


RealityinSarnia said...

Thinking of you. Stay strong.

Michael said...

Stay strong.. you will beat this.
my sister had breast cancer. She needed Chemo.. which was tough.
she beat it. Keep your spirits up.
greetings from austria

The Narrative Nipple said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bumpyboobs said...

Sounds like a lot to handle. That’s a big realization, for sure, and I guess waiting for the results doesn’t help. Thanks for sharing this online. You’ll make it through one step at a time, no matter what treatments are required. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling low today (or yesterday).


sumcmu said...

It sucks and it will for the immediate future. But it doesn't make the love and admiration people feel for you go away. The ordinary pleasures of life will be yours again. And so will the extraordinary ones. Best wishes

Amanda Makepeace said...

Cancer is cancer. No matter what the prognosis. When I had cancer at 17, they said it was 100% curable. It was. I had surgery and I had chemotherapy. There were moments, many moments, when I didn't want to go on. But I did. I survived and I'm cured, but the scars didn't go away. I'm not trying to be negative, only sharing my experience. Even if cancer is 100% curable you still have to fight and you may find you need support from friends, family and other survivors just for peace of mind. Stay strong. You can email me anytime if you feel like talking to someone outside of your circle. :) makepeace.arts[at]gmail[dot]com